Being a foster parent can be challenging, but some are up to it, like Julie Valentine, foster mom to 2018 East grad Destiny Brockhaus.

“We decided to become foster parents because God told us to and we had lots more love in our hearts to pour into a teen/ child,” Valentine said.

 According to Sarah Sheppard in her article “The Mental Health Effects of Living in Foster Care,” youth in foster care can endure mental health issues that will last long into their adulthood. Additionally, because a constant starting over process is sometimes present, difficulty maintaining healthy relationships may occur. Brockhaus fought the odds of not being able to maintain healthy relationships. 

Brockhaus successfully graduated from high school, and college is now married. She has even found a way to keep in touch and maintain a relationship with some of her family.

“I do carry on a close relationship with my biological family as well as my last foster family,” Brockhaus said. “I didn’t always talk to my mom when I was in high school because she continued to make some really poor decisions, but she’s in a much better place now and we’re a lot closer.”

Brockhaus has been in and out of the foster care system from the time she was in first grade up until she was 19. Due to her mother struggling with addiction most of her life, she was placed with a different family a total of 11 times and didn’t live in one house for longer than 9 months.

“It was a pretty lonely experience; not a lot of people understand what it feels like to move from home to home and miss your family so much,” Brockhaus said, “or only own a few trash bags of stuff that you have to pack up every few months.” 

Not every foster child has the same experience, but most foster children need the same things. Some necessities for Brockhaus were being relatable to other foster kids.

“I needed someone to invest in me and believe in me – which I got through teachers and court advocates,” Brockhaus said. “I needed stability and predictability and to just be a kid, most kids in foster care are in really grown up situations and just need a place to be a child and worry about kid things.”

According to Fostering Perspectives, motives for people becoming foster parents is because they have had similar experiences. These experiences are abuse, neglect, and dependency. Valentine encourages others to become a foster parent, despite possible challenges.

“We had challenges, which all parents have: not liking our rules, not liking each other, saying regretful words to each other,” Valentine said. “I would encourage all to foster if they do it for the right reason.”

Bellevue East social worker Susan Jones said that she feels like it is important to be properly educated before becoming a foster parent. She is aware that there are things people need to keep in mind about foster children.

“I think that you should definitely have gone through classes and have an understanding of social emotional supports,” Jones said. “They could have behaviors or outbursts or just different emotional needs that might come up that might present differently, just having an understanding of how to work with kids that are going through some trauma.”